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Fri, Jun. 23rd, 2006, 12:07 pm
lonely as the space between the stars

Its been forever since ive written in this thing.. I think the last time i wrote, i just moved back home. I'm still the sick fat hog that i was 3 years ago, just now with a college degree. I hate this town just as much as i did before i left it. Im sick of everything and everybody. sometimes i wish i could just pack up everything and get the fuck out.

i really enjoy how theres always somebody there to comment on everything i do, everybody i talk to, and everybody i hang out with. im sick of having no fucking privicy.. i cant call anyone or send any e-mail without somebody being up my ass.

....Anymore, having friends is a big fucking popularity or a "how hot am i" contest.

So, in other words... i've kinda strayed from that stupid bullshit and opt for the loner route. Im sick of people..and how stupid they really are.

i'd rather sit alone in a dark room and consider how many more pounds i need to lose.



Fuck Friends

Fuck Love

Fuck Food

Fuck Life

.........i love my cat <3

Thu, Mar. 23rd, 2006, 02:03 am

i hate this place.
i hate this life.
im so sick of people telling me im no good
im so sick of people telling me nothing is ever good enough
im sick of people bitching
im sick of people not listening to what i have to say
im sick of being fat
im sick of being sick
im sick of giving it my all and still somehow not living up to ur expectations
im sick of this stupid piece of shit life
im sick of you not caring...
i hate this place
i hate myself

FUCK THE WORLD AND EVERYBODY IN IT!
FUCKING LEAVE ME ALONE.. FUCKKK
im going to get a bath and then going the fuck to sleep in hopes to never wake up.. i cant stand another day of this stupid bullshit


* * *
sick of the way i am feeling. waking up watching myself slipping. should i just take out my eyes? no longer want them for this life. acting strong only on the outside. hiding shame and pain on the inside. i've tried to block my mind of this and pretend is doesn't exist. loosing my mind once again. stranding my thoughts (no matter what i said). sleepless nights staring at the ceiling. sanity running on empty. try to block my mind of this and pretend it doesn't exist. loosing my mind once again. stranding my thoughts (no matter what i said). taken for granted again. stranding my thoughts no matter what i said. loosing my mind again. stranded my thoughts no matter what i said. loosing my mind once again. stranding my thoughts no matter what i said

Tue, Mar. 21st, 2006, 03:33 am
HORRAY for life is S T U P I D

* I don't know what to do with myself anymore..
* Can't deal with the stress any longer..
* I feel like im litterly going to just break or blow up..
* Im sooo annoyed right now i could scream..
* Can't do anything right..
* Nothing is ever good enough..
* Im always the fat one...
* I hate myself..
* I miss my mum..
* Im obcessed about food...
* I exercise alot..
* I drink to much coffee..
* Anything to loose an ounce..
* I lost 12lbs
* I love my girls..

Mon, Feb. 13th, 2006, 04:22 pm

And if tomorrow should be the last day I could ever tell you
I was in love with your smile, In love with your eyes.
Tomorrow will be a-okay, just to say I loved you way too much.
I should have said anything instead of making no sense at all...
Why was I chasing falling stars instead of you?
Why was I breaking my own heart instead of embracing yours?

Tomorrow will be a-okay, just to say I loved you way too much.
I should have said anything instead of making no sense at all...
Anything

Everything is broken, put it back together.
Everything just falls apart
Everything is broken... Yeah Everything, Everything.

Why was I chasing falling stars instead of you?
Why was I breaking my own heart instead of embracing yours?

And if tomorrow should be the last day I could ever tell you
I was in love with your smile, In love with your eyes.
Tomorrow will be a-okay, just to say I loved you way too much.
I should have said anything instead of making no sense at all...
Why was I chasing falling stars instead of you?
Why was I breaking my own heart instead of embracing yours?

Tomorrow will be a-okay, just to say I loved you way too much.
I should have said anything instead of making no sense at all...
Anything

Everything is broken, put it back together.
Everything just falls apart
Everything is broken... Yeah Everything, Everything.

Why was I chasing falling stars instead of you?
Why was I breaking my own heart instead of embracing yours?

Just remember, to save me one last dance.
And please try to close your eyes.

Fri, Feb. 3rd, 2006, 01:30 am






i effing love you :o) dont hurt me heh!

Sat, Jan. 28th, 2006, 04:56 pm

yay my gram called me fat today...


* no more food for me ever

* diet pills are yummy...

Fri, Jan. 27th, 2006, 03:07 pm
blah

woke up today and couldnt help but hate where i am. im sick of this stupid fucking place once again and i want nothing more but to get the fuck away..

* day 1 no food :o)

* yumm pills

* i hate this stupid fucking place

* i cant do anything right

* i need a job but nobody will hire me

* everytime i think about __ i hate myself and feel dirty :*(

* i dont wanna be here anymore...

Wed, Jan. 25th, 2006, 04:01 pm
i FUCKING hate you..

This is where I say I've had enough
and no one should ever feel the way that I feel now.
A walking open wound,
a trophy display of bruises
and I don't believe that I'm getting any better, any better.

Sun, Jan. 22nd, 2006, 06:11 pm
pEwTeR

last night was fun..

i <3 my lammykin!

i <3 my adam!

i <3 my amber jones!

i <3 my lammykin's Dhanerz!



The more i think about him.. the more sick/disgusted i get..

.. i gave up everything..

* friendships
* fun irreplacable times
* v card
* times with my girls
* funfilled weekends with my girls...

so... so... so... stupid.....

the more i think about it.. the more i hate myself...

Fri, Jan. 20th, 2006, 02:54 pm
s m i l e

I come to realize that all i need in life is my gurls.. They always make me happy :o) ahh i love them....

Sooo many funnnn times! <3

:smile:

FUCK GUYS!

... except for adam.. hes okay :o) heh

<3

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